Keep calm and carry on..

33, and Rebooting

It’s been so long since I’ve written something, for myself.

Two weeks after turning 33, at 3 AM, I find myself staring at a list of unticked job roles, scrolling through my own website and portfolio, fixing bugs that no recruiter will probably ever see or care about. I start asking myself random questions and end up typing out these strange little reflections.

Yes. At 3 AM.

So, my 33 is looking at myself: no house, no car, no man, no kid, and no job. Pretty impressive, huh? It’s actually hard to pull that off after more than 30 years of existence.

In my 20s? I was THAT girl. The youngest TV host chosen for a national music show after stepping out of a popular hosting competition. The first field reporter from the station to cover stories in the world’s youngest country - South Sudan. A British Government Chevening Scholar. Ambassador for top-tier global youth programs. Senior marketing and communications manager for Vietnam’s first-ever global Sci-Tech Prize - worth $4.5M - which honoured Nobel Laureates. I got applause. A lot. For being "inspiring."

And now? Crickets. Just me and the notification from LinkedIn at 3 AM saying,“Unfortunately, we regret to inform you…”

I realised: I’ve never shared my “loser era.”. Because, who cheers for someone stuck at the starting line? Who wants to hear a story with no victory?

Actually, who cares?

I am writing the f down what I am feeling now, for myself, and my future self. So she’ll be proud of a brave little soldier who dared to hit “restart”, dared to get stuck at her mid 30s, dared to be vulnerable enough to write these words down, and dares to still be “driven”, for herself.

Keep calm and carry on... applying for another job.

📌 300+ job applications (and counting).

📌 3 job interviews.

📌 0 job offers. YET.

Being an immigrant in the UK at the moment is like playing a game where the rules change mid-level, and the path to stability feels like a moving target.

You're constantly told: Wait longer. Apply more. Prove harder. Pay extra.

Honestly, it feels a bit like dating here: ruthless, confusing, and always asking: “So... what do you bring to the table?”. Well, I bring three degrees, over a decade of experience, and of course, emotional resilience.

That’s why I’m not crashing. And I won’t.

Because while dreams don’t expire, my graduate visa does.

Because as much as I hate those cold rejection emails received at 4 AM, clearly written by a bot, not even a human,

I love this dream.

I feel at home in this city.

And I love this version of myself - calmly making lemonade every time life throws a lemon at me.

I didn’t move here to play it safe. And honestly, this plot I’m living? Kind of cinematic. Sure, the rejection stings. It chips away at your self-worth. It makes you second-guess yourself in the most brutal way. But strangely, it’s also taught me patience, to play all games life is offering.

Game 1: If no one’s hiring me, I’m upgrading myself like a MacBook.

LinkedIn Learning and Coursera Subscription are my soulmates. I do mock interviews daily. Because even if I’m unemployed, I’m high-functioning unemployed. I know the STAR method better than I know my own love life: SITUATION. TASK. ACTION. RESULT. Wait, is it "Result" or "Rejected"? 😂 I’ve practiced “Tell me about yourself” so many times I don’t even know who I am anymore. And don’t even get me started on “What’s your biggest weakness?”At this point? Optimism. My biggest weakness is still thinking I’ll get hired 😅 Just kidding, until that interview day comes, I’m still doing TED Talks to my bedroom mirror every night.

Game 2: Recruiters are like bad exes. Your profile got seen, and you never got called.

And somehow, they’re still posting “currently hiring”… for someone else every single day.

Cold messages, connection requests, play miserable or play “hard to get”, I tried them all. Nothing seemed to work (yet). It’s like writing a love letter to someone who might not even read it. And still, I try to make it sound fresh every single time. How? No idea.

Anyway, I just submitted cover letter #1953996 (okay this number was made up, don't be too serious).

Saw a meme last week: some guy pretended to be a delivery person, handed out doughnuts with his CV taped to the box, and got interviews. Not sure he got a job yet but I might try this soon, just in case you are having no clue of how desperate I am right now.

Game 3: And I’m so perfect. But I’m so fcking dump?

So, 10+ years of experience but from another country might not be an ideal currency for getting me a job here. Apparently, I am “too experienced” for entry-level jobs. It sounds like when you have done “too much”, you are coming as a threat of… maybe taking over their companies??? Brilliant, let me just hide my achievements, delete a few job titles, and pretend I was born last year, so that I can get an intern role, maybe.. Babe, I just want a chair, a laptop, and a health insurance. But also, when I go for more senior roles? I am “not experienced enough” or “not the best fit”, hmmmmm…

Game 4: There’s No Dream Girl Without Routine!

524338 open job tabs can obviously steal your daily routine and replace it with sleepless nights like tonight. It’s 4am now, damn. The girl I want to become doesn’t run on caffein and stay alive on LinkedIn but dead in real life. I mean, sometimes she does, but not every day. Because I do want glowing skin for the Zoom interview that hasn’t been scheduled yet, so maybe I should drink water that doesn’t come from coffee. I do want to feel alive, not just existing to apply for jobs, so I probably should make space for my brain to breathe, and to reflect. If nothing changes today, maybe it’s me who need to change first, to be a dream girl, despite being unemployed. No excuses.

So, I guess I will close my laptop now, breathe some early morning fresh air, have some stretches, an avocado toast for breakfast. And a brand-new day begins, again!

P/s: To the night owl crowd who might feel lost in time navigating jobs and hope, I know the job hunt is a chaos, the rejections feel personal, but maybe this is just the free-fall before the rise, the low dip on the curve before your graph spikes.

Let it be.

Let us be.

Me? I am moving forward regardless. As a Londoner, of course, I will do yoga every day, get a cappuccino every morning, say “cheers” at inappropriate times, and say “sorry” whenever someone bumps into me.

I’ll keep calm and carry on..